can u get pink eye on your cock?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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