i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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