you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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