I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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