I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
one two three fourrrrnication!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I touched a dick in church today
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize