I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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