you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
