and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
