god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
