I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
