Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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