Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
