wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
