just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize