Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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