Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
