Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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