You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
