if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize