boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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