A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
zippers are such a cool invention
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
