omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
