I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
