I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
