she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize