I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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