He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
