before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
