I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
