dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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