You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
