I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
