He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Did we literally take a cab across the street
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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