Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My liver just broke up with me...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
