he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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