Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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