Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I AM VODKA MAN
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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