Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
