Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
