Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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