Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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