I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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