he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
