im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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