I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
