Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
