you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
