ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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