he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
