Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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