I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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