My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
