I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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