She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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