She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
