I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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