I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
