So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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