Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
