Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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