Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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