Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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