Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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