just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
