yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
