I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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