I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
